Ostentatious Charity

This guy is right on the money.

Say no more.

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A real King would have a brain. These guys are just morons.

It makes me wonder why people do what they do. And, even more perplexingly, why they video it and sell it.

Take these clowns for example.

A group of boys, in a DVD that they filmed, edited, and were selling in schools, is shown engaging in several practices that highlights their numerous skills in assault and property damage.

The call themselves the 'kings of Werribee'.

Let's sort something out right off the bat. These clowns are not 'kings'. They are not even princes. I hesitate to even call them insects, as I'm sure an insect has some semblance of a brain. Can we go any lower on the evolutionary scale? I dont think so.

It is right that the investigations into this matter are beginning to chase them down. Already several f the boys have been expelled or suspended from school. I wonder which "exlusive private school" they are from?

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Why should I suffer from your lack of foresight?

I read with dismay the smh.com.au article of this morning regarding predicted energy shortages.

Now, the question I have already posed is worth reiterating:
Why should I suffer from your lack of foresight?

I want to know why I may have to endure blackouts and energy shortfalls where I live, because a large scale property development that is entirely unsuited to its locality is consuming twenty times more power than my family, just to run the now-necessary air-conditioning systems?

I know, they're cheap to build, cheap to buy, and families love the big new house in the tree-less development. But I wouldnt want your energy bills come summer.

Until the principles of ESD (Environmentally Sustainable Development) along with alternate sources of energy are brought to bear on new estates, we will be forever playing catchup with our energy supply reqiurements.

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What is he really saying?

This has got to be one of the best bits of re-subtitling I've ever seen.




I dont know which movie this is taken from, but it is very humourous, even if the lead character has a distinctly bad reputation.

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Worst...invention...ever...!

No, its not the electric clock/coffee pot that prepares hot coffee with second degree burns for your morning wake up call.

No, its not the electric wok that you cant toss vegetables in.

No, its not the mechanical bowler-hat tipper that grips to the wearers head with prongs.

No, its not even the motorcycle airbag jacket.

It's the Leaf Blower.

This is a device that deserves the capital letters in its name, due to it being the tangible incarnation of the pure evil that is disrespect for your fellow man's possessions.

Why is that people think nothing of firing up the leaf blower and making enough noise to wake a dead man then proceed to send the dirt, leaves and dead bugs flying through the air to land haphazardly on the neighbours lawn/path/washing/car/pets/children??

While the leaf blower stops short of being chindogu (the Japanese word coined for the art of the useless), it is certainly close.

Here's some links to demonstrate my thinking:
- a nice chindogu link for you
- a nice link to pictures of japanese inventions
- a list of somebody elses idea of useless inventions
- and some of these are not useless, merely unfit for widespread use (the personal rain catcher is my favourite)

Many of these, classed as 'useless', are in fact more beneficial than the leaf blower. Why? Because at least they take into consideration the people around them, unlike the anti-social leaf blower.

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What we have learned from...

...Michael Caine.

When someone is "...only supposed to blow the bloody doors off!", then that generally means you've gone too hard, too soon.

A valuable lesson in todays society.

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Bathurst run and won for Peter

Bathurst is done for another year. And perhaps no more fitting winner than Craig Lowndes, the kid Peter Brock mentored for a long period.

The removal from the equation of Mark Skaife and the first HRT car following a first lap incident with a slipping clutch and an unavoidable crash with Jack Perkins, this really only left Lowndes as the choice to give Brocky a spiritual #10.

Being a year that I didnt watch it start to finish, instead choosing to invite friends over to partake of food and drink and observe the race for minutes at a time, perhaps I missed a few incidents that people will talk about. Thats what highlights packages are for.

The death of Mark Porter in hospital following the race after a severe crash on friday afternoon lends gravity to a situation that is stated wherever motorsports are undertaken. Motorsport is dangerous. We've lost three people to motorsport in a short time, including the death of a Japanese drag racer in Victoria recently as well. The crash involving Paul Radisich could have so easily turned out far worse.

Maybe Bathurst is becoming anachronistic. Concrete walls abound with limited or no run off at the top of the mountain, and a series of crests and dips giving no chance for view ahead. Not an ideal in which to place several fast and heavy motor vehicles. It was fun in the 60's and 70's, when the vehicles were a little slower, although the lack of fences meant that anyone leaving the track wound up in a paddock or were halted by a tree. The 80's bought about several large scale incidents involving several cars, including a few shortened races owing to track blockages.

Naturally, every Australian motorsport fan understands what Bathurst means, which has been built up through history. Although maybe the torch is being passed, and the flame a little less bright for the Mountain. The men who bought about the shift in the ATCC to a professional series are going or gone. Jim Richards exit from teh race this year owing to a mistake are reminiscent of Larry Perkins exit of a few years ago. A case of 'getting too old for this sh*t'?

Big call time. Maybe its time to leave Bathurst behind. Consign it to folklore and legend. It's created a few, and its taken a few away.

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I've left my body to science, but I'm afraid they've turned it down

Just going through a series of motions at the moment regarding an insurance company that shall remain nameless (and faceless too...it would seem thats how they prefer it) regarding old injuries and policy coverage.

It seems that said company will not realise the futility and stupidity of their own actions in their stubborn refusal to remove a certain exclusion from a policy I hold.

I put to you the following precis:
Injury to certain joint, ten years ago, 100% recovery, results in exclusion to policy from condition arising from said joint.
Current physio for TOTALLY UNRELATED condition.
Request previous exclusion removal as condition no longer applicable.
Said company refuses on grounds that "you are undergoing treatment, regardless of area or joint affected, so we shall not remove exclusion."

Yes, yes, I see, it all makes sense now! You're recovered, but something else has happened, so we'll ignore that and concentrate on the healed injury instead! We're geniuses! Or are we genii?

No, you're an irrational, large, international corporation.

'nuff said.

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Bathurst time is coming...

Its nearly time for the annual Bathurst homage that is the 1000km race around Mount Panorama in Bathurst.

And this is the kind of thing that you watch it for!

Craig Lowndes gets clobbered by a flying tyre.

Peter Brock 1991 Qualifying Lap.

It will be the first year in a long time that Peter Brock wont be there at all, which is sure to make it a little special. I hope we see a bolter come out on top this year.

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Much respect to Bev and Terri

After seeing the funeral of Peter Brock yesterday, and the memorial service at Australia Zoo for Steve Irwin today, I have a great respect for the personalities of these two women.

That they would let themselves be so immersed in the public eye at a time in their lives that is not easy to deal with in the privacy of a family is an enormous red tick against their "for" columns.

Whilst Terri Irwin has not spoken publicly, or rarely been seen, this has not diminished her in any way, for the willingness to let her husband be celebrated by the Australian public at his "Crocoseum" is to be applauded. The offer of a State Funeral for Steve was made, and declined, his family instead opting for a private funeral and a public memorial service. In this way, Steve was given the honour afforded to him by family and friends as befits his life, and the public had a chance to show their support and love for the man as a public figure.

The acceptance of Peter Brock's family of a State Funeral for the man perhaps went against his life principles a little as people have pondered, but it shows the family acceptance of Peter as a public figure, loved by a great many Australians. Be you in the Red or Blue camps come race day, people looked on Peter as a hero of his time.

I would also include Julie, Peter Brock's current partner, for her showing at this time. I do not know of the history of Bev and Julie, but it is testament to the two women that they can both show commonality at this time.

Let us return to The Mountain and pray for The King come October 8.

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The King is Dead

It has truly been a terrible week for Australians.

Following Steve Irwin's untimely death on monday, came the news on friday 8 September that Peter Brock had been killed in an accident in WA.

A man who was one of the shining lights of motorsport, who with Dick Johnson, took the touring car scene in Australia from part-time and amateur status to the beginnings of the professional series it is today, was gone in a tarmac rally crash which destroyed his vehicle and left his navigator in hospital with severe injuries. Luckily the co-driver, Mick Hone, is expected to recover.

You want any more proof of how much Peter Brock contributed to his own legend, look no further than the 1979 Bathurst 500 race. Leading by 6 laps for the win, then sets a lap record on the final lap in a Torana. Look no further. Whilst I dont remember seeing that one, I certainly watched a few Bathursts with the likes of Brock, Johnson, Richards, Grice, Moffat, & Perkins.

9 times Sandown winner. 9 time Bathurst winner. The King of The Mountain.

Thanks for the inspiration Peter.

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The new colour name game!

Whilst perusing a catalogue that arrived in the mail the other day, I was struck by a particularly fanciful game that most purveyors of clothing, paint, fabrics, cars, etc, etc are playing at the moment.

Its the new colour name game!

For example:
Pumpkin Patch have childrens clothes in colours such as palm, popcorn, mud, monkey,polar, horizon, orange rock, and cucumber. Granted, you can guess what these may be closely related to. But what happened to green, white, brown, light brown, red, orange and light green? Is your choice of colour somehow adding to the credibility of an overpriced item?

And Holden, with their new Commodore range in Heron white, Redhot, Ignition, Phantom, Nickel and Impulse. All so someone can say "I dont own a blue car...its Impulse! Get it right pleb!" The fanciful colour name game strikes again! Its not "orange with a bit of gold mixed in to make it shine a little", it's Ignition.

I still think the best counter is from Ford. Colours the likes of Bionic, Breeze, Dejavu, Ego, Fantasy, Chromaflair, Lightning Strike, Menace, Neo, Octane, Seduce, Shockwave, Silhouette, Toxic, Vixen and Winter White. "Just look for me mate, I'll be the one driving up your street in the Shockwave Falcon". Blank pause on other end of phone. "The blue one?"

Yes mate, the blue one.

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Death of an Australian

It is not often that the death of a famous identity leads me to write anything. Or even to make more than a passing remark.

However, the death of Steve Irwin, aka The Crocodile Hunter, has done just that.

The news that he had been killed this morning, our time, was a bit of sad news.

It is difficult to imagine what his wife and kids are thinking, particularly because of the man Steve Irwin was outside the family. If he had such a presence, such an aura of energy, such a willingness to show wildlife and its fragility outside the family environment, we can only imagine what a forceful family man he was. It wasnt until the Enough Rope interview with Andrew Denton that I, for one, understood his passion and verve for what he did.

Many thanks, Steve, you did educate a lot of people. The Americans have shown a great fondness for him, and the news has broken to the US nightly news reports as lead item, which goes to show you what a guy he was.

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Fathers Day vs. Mothers Day

Fathers Day in Australia is upon us again this Sunday. It seems odd that the Father Day editions of sales and catalogues all arrive in the mail in the week of the event, starting on the monday.

Yet for Mothers Day (note how I capitalise these days, for they are important!), the catalogues seem to arrive two to three weeks in advance. Maybe this is to do with my vague recollection of the dates, but I'm sure I've seen Mothers Day catalogues in late February. Mothers Day is in May.

Please dont interpret this the wrong way ladies. You deserve Mothers Day. But I get the feeling that stores are somehow holding mothers love to ransom for a couple more weeks of sales.

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Whatever happened to the Needle Kid?

I found myself thinking of this yesterday...

Way back, probably in about 1986, I remember seeing a kid on Freshwater Beach in Sydney come hopping out of the shallow water on one foot. In the heel of his other foot was a needle. A hypodermic syringe needle.

It scared the hell out of me at the time. The back of the beach was where you didnt go for fear of needles. Not the waterline!

I've often wondered what happened to that kid. If he ever got anything because of it. If he's still alive and well.

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Lamenting the loss of the True Schooner

Last night I had cause to complain. Bitterly.

You see, it all started when I went to the pub on the corner for a drink. Now, this is not your usual old-school pub with a long bar, twelve taps and two barmaids. This is a new 'pub'. Not that its called that, its a 'hotel'. I requested a simple beverage, a schooner of Carlton Draught.

What was placed in front of me was an abomination. The liquid inside was the only thing they got right. The glass was not even remotely schooner sized, nor schooner shaped. But rather a bizarre pentagonal-shape based vessel that gradually changed shape to a circle at the top as you'd expect. The size was all wrong, the proportions were all wrong, the glass was all wrong, wrong, wrong!

And then the cost! $4.10! I dont mind paying $4.10 for a schooner, but this, this was no schooner. A schooner glass by classic publican definition holds 425ml of beer. There was no way even close that this faux-schooner was capable of carrying more than 350ml.

The NSW Office of Fair Trading has guidelines relating to the size of glasses here. And I quote "The colloquial terms, such as ‘seven’, ‘middy’ and ‘schooner’ do not indicate any particular size of glass. Traders should be aware that any advertising using such terms should be qualified by the indication of the actual size of the glass being used on the premises eg ‘middy’ (280 mL) ‘middy’ (285 mL) or ‘schooner’ (400 mL) ‘schooner’ (425 mL)." So, in ther humble but trusted opinion, the terms are colloquial and therefore not binding? We are dealing with 100 years of drinking history. This cannot be trifled with on a whim because some inner city publican decides to make a few extra dollars by reducing the glass size but maintaining the price! It is now up to the publican to decide on his own glass size and term, which must be qualified and indicated. I wonder how small the sign is.

At least I am surrounded by individuals of like minds.

So, beer drinkers, pay attention! Or the prophecy of the Heckler could come true, and before long we are paying $4.10 for a shot glass of Tooheys New.

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The RTA and the Lawyer (not a joke)

I find this a most interesting subject.

A lawyer has been fighting a case for a client regarding the validity of a speed camera photograph.

The Judge found that "to be given weight as evidence the digital cameras that took the photos had to be calibrated every day, Mr Miralis said. The solicitor added that he believed the authority calibrated its cameras once a year".

If Mr Miralis is to be believed as a lawyer, should he not do his bar exam every week? Should the Judge not submit to questioning daily on points of law? Should nurses be quizzed on proper procedure daily? Should police undergo weapons instruction each and every afternoon?

The fact that a digital device, such as a speed camera, should be calibrated daily is abusrd and improper. If these people can trust technology to navigate their cars, provide them information, serve them beverages, entertain them and protect them, why is it being questioned when technology catches them breaking the law?

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Territorial Imperative!

For anyone who enjoys a good story with dirt and realism, you really should read 'The Choir Boys' by Joseph Wambaugh.

A novel about the work and relaxation of a group of NYPD officers, the stories appear at first to be a group of anecdotes strung together by 'Choir Practice', the euphemism for the post-work stress relief of drinking and cavorting. The main group of officers in the novel are Roscoe Rules, Whaddayamean Dean, Spencer van Moot, Father Willie Wright, Calvin Potts, Francis Tanaguchi, Spermwhale Whalen, Baxter Slate, Sam Niles, Harold Bloomguard. Figure out who the Vietnam kids at the start are and you get a silver star. As you read further you find they all connect with one another, as work colleagues invariably do.

I challenge anyone not to fall down laughing when you read about 'The Night the Padre Tried to Eat Pressed Ham Through the Wrapper' or 'The Day My Balls Blew Up'. I challenge anyone with kids not to cry when you read the chapter on Tommy Rivers.

"He removes the greatest ornament of friendship, who takes away from it respect" - Cicero. As used to effect by Baxter Slate, ever the academic. I think he's my favourite character.

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Mischa Barton kills starving people

Where is my proof? Try the smh.com.au article such as this. Who in their right mind would pay some bimbo $100,000 to show up, yabber on, take some free shit, and piss off? And two days later it had grown to $200,000.

Is this a case of David Jones proving it is a store of minimal ethics by lavishing some two-facial-expression "actress" with money just to stand around wearing some overpriced pieces of fabric draped over a piece of walking meat they laughingly call a "star"? At the press conference when she couldnt remember what label she was wearing, someone had to jump in and help her. Fair enough though, sometimes I cant remember what label I'm wearing. Either its Target, KMart or Lowes. It's all just so confusing. I mean how are you supposed to remember the names of all the free things you are provided with? At least they should make her pay for the clothes she picked, and give the economy a chance to recoup some of this stupid hand-out.

Maybe the men of the Matthew Talbot Hostel and the like could some through the store and pick what they like, free of charge, then be "seen" wearing these labels?

Come on David Jones. Undo some of your bad karma by making a donation to charity of equal size.

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Pure Genius

This is brilliant.

Dont give me your ballet, your modern interpretive dance, just give me four blokes, eight treadmills, and a great pop tune.

Here.

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