Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Mad as a cut snake...


Visit my other blog, The Cut Snake.

A place for those outraged 'letters to the editor' that I've always wanted to write to stir, complain, or just be narky. What Martin/Molloy used to term 'the cut snakes'.

"When will the ABC come to its senses and replay each and every episode of Birds of a Feather? I found it positively delightful!" - Mick Molloy

It's in its infancy, but it will grow. Feel free to request guest posts.

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G.E.R. is a B.I.T.C.H.

A few troubles over the past month or so led me to consult the family doctor.

A chest x-ray, a reassurance that I wasn't about to have a heart attack or stroke, and a couple of weeks later, I have been diagnosed with G.E.R. Some people use G.O.R., which I guess is more correct once you read the extended name.

G.E.R. is gastro-oesophageal reflux. Different from G.E.R.D. in that is not a disease, hence the lack of D., and implies a short term inconvenience rather than a non-reversible disease. If you read the articles, you'll see there is various symptoms. My main symptom is the shortness of breath. Which can prove a mite difficult now and then, especially after eating.

The majority of the 'net based information says lose weight, stop smoking, minimise coffee intake, dont eat fatty or acidic foods, and eat less at one time. It can be controlled with diet, or in extreme cases, once you earn the extra D., surgery may be required.

It's funny, but I dont have the breathing difficulties if I'm riding, only if I'm sitting still, at work, or driving home. Maybe this is 'The Sign' that it's time to lose weight? According to the Australian Health guidelines, I am 'Preobese', with a BMI of 26.881. Get it under 25 and you're magically healthy! Harry Potter and the Chamber of Exercise...

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Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Why does anyone give Harold Scruby the time of day?

Harold Scruby is a VERY nearsighted man.

Andrew Fraser is not much better.

Both of these men are outraged in response to an auction by the NSW Roads Minister Eric Roozendaal of a drag-race joyride.

Sensationalism at its finest, and yet another opportunity for Harold to get his name in print, his voice on radio and probably his head on television. Any time a long bow can be drawn, you'll find Harold holding the other end.

Hey, Harold. I've got an idea for you. Pull your head in. The auction is for a drag-race joyride in a controlled environment.

Anyone who highlights the previous accident as a reason not to promote this type of thing is plainly missing the point. "Less than a week ago six people were killed in a drag racing charity event in the US after an Australian pro-driver skidded out of control during a burnout." Yes, on a public road, with pedestrians standing beside that road, and limited or no safety or guardrails to speak of. Quite the opposite of WSID. Safety abounds! Control galore!

You cannot even compare the two without having someone laugh at you.

What better opportunity to display the way young drivers should be testing and driving their cars than a safe, organised, sponsored off-street event? Tell us, Harold. Please.

I want to know. Don't point out a problem. Offer a solution and maybe we'll listen.

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Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Bill of Sanity - A New American Constitutional Preamble

Whilst trawling through the various sites, I came across this. A sensible piece of home truth if ever I read one.

Clicky clicky!

For those to lazy to click and follow, I reproduce the preamble here:


A New Preamble for the Constitution

"We the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great-grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt ridden, delusional, and other liberal bed-wetters. We hold these truths to be self evident: that a whole lot of people are confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim they require a Bill of NON-Rights."

ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV, or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.

ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be offended This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone -- not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc.; but the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be.

ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful; do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy.

ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes. (This one is my pet peeve...get an education and go to work....don't expect everyone else to take care of you!)

ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in public health care.

ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.

ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat, or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won't have the right to a big screen color TV or a life of leisure.

ARTICLE VIII: You do not have the right to a job. All of us sure want you to have a job, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful. (AMEN!)

ARTICLE IX: You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to PURSUE happiness, which by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an over abundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.

ARTICLE X: This is an English speaking country. We don't care where you are from, English is our language. Learn it or go back to wherever you came from! (Lastly....)

ARTICLE XI: You do not have the right to change our country's history or heritage. This country was founded on the belief in one true God. And yet, you are given the freedom to believe in any religion, any faith, or no faith at all; with no fear of persecution. The phrase IN GOD WE TRUST is part of our heritage and history, and if you are uncomfortable with it, TOUGH!

This has been attributed to State Representative Mitchell Kaye from Georgia. This guy should run for President one day...

How about that, have you ever thought about what you would write? Is it like this?

Mine would be very similar I suspect!



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Monday, June 04, 2007

Your month by the stars - June

Gemini - May 22 - June 21

This is the time that your long-held idea for a business will come to fruition, particularly at the local sports stadium where a sudden influx of bees combines with a dust storm, resulting in an allergic crowd of truly epic proportions.

Lucky number: 0

Cancer - June 22 - July 22

Try to avoid any tea-leaf, palm- or tarot-card readers this month, as June is their annual Month of MadnessTM. Just for fun they might tell you that a tall, dark stranger will enter your life and steal your heart. More likely, they will enter your house and steal your TV set while you are asleep.

Lucky number: 10

Leo - July 23 -August 21

Do not go to your hairdressers this month and say, “I’m a Leo, so give me a haircut that suits my star sign”. Not unless you want to be laughed at by adults or have schoolchildren make growling, roaring noises to your face.

Lucky number: 9

Virgo - August 22 - September 23

Not for long, you won’t be.

Lucky number: 17

Libra - September 24 - October 23

Learn the Heimlich Manoeuvre. Get a job at a local restaurant. Get your teeth whitened. Make sure to be working on June 15th at around 8pm. Save space on your wall for a framed copy of the June 16th newspaper front page.

Lucky number: 15

Scorpio - October 24 - November 22

Don’t sit there. Please. Keep this number handy: 000 (if in Australia), 999 (if in England), 911 (if in America). Yodel loudly if in Scandinavia.

Lucky number: 134,906,283

Sagittarius - November 23 - December 22

You don’t even think you could find the place on a map, but someplace north of Prague, towards the border there, there is a little town that will be forever etched in your memory. Just as the local’s fervent distrust of outsiders is forever etched on your upper arm.

Lucky number: 33

Capricorn - December 23 - January 20

Your long distance relationship will very slowly start to drain your bank balance as your purchase of multitudes of stamps. Sending packages to your beloved in Turkmenistan will turn out to be not such a good idea as all contact suddenly ceases once you send her a pair of diamond earrings.

Lucky number: 21

Aquarius - January 21 - February 19

Your personal crusade to turn every day into St Patrick’s Day will not only result in “the wearin’ o’ the green”, but also the “punchin’ o’ the face” and the “callin’ o’ the ambulance”. Luckily for you, it won’t quite stretch to the “identifyin’ o’ the body”.

Lucky number: 22

Pisces - February 20- March 20

A lack of decision making from your direct superior will lead you and two other orderlies on a wild goose chase this month. Neither arguments, a swift boot to the groin, or a flat phone battery will assist in extracting you from your predicament. Keep a knife handy to cover the eventuality that you do actually capture your ‘wild goose’.

Lucky number: 2¾

Aries - March 21 - April 20

Your month looks bleak. A sudden case of stigmata will throw a spanner in your holiday plans as you pass by a convention of South American nuns at a local community centre. Be prepared for a longer stay in Nicaragua than planned.

Lucky number: 5

Taurus - April 21 - May 21

Rampaging through Morocco with a dozen other footballers and their wives will give you a fresh insight into the other universal language, violence. The local police and embassy staff will ignore your argument that the words from the bazaar stall keepers were incomprehensible, and that you received no warning that your collective a*se was about to be kicked.

Lucky number: 0.3489

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