Nuffy-ism: Air Travel

What is it about airports and plane travel that brings out the inner idiot in a lot of people?

You always get the nuffy who forgot, or just didn't want to, remove the coins out of their pockets or take off their watch for the metal detector. And then get huffy when they've got to go back through. Let's call this person The Huffy Nuffy. Sure, I've had to go back and take off my belt, but only ever in Melbourne. No other scanner has been set off by my belt. Voyueristic Melbourne security staff, perhaps? Men in suits are never The Huffy Nuffy. They've done this too often to be that stupid. Watch them closely. Watch, phone, wallet, business card holder and bag on the conveyor, walk through, smile at the security staff, pick everything up and leave. Unlike the nouveau riche entrepreneur in his designer tee shirt and jeans. I'm surprised he remembered to put his bag down.

Then you get the nuffy who suddenly thinks queueing in an orderly fashion to board a plane is too much for them. They decide to break the line and skirt to the outside, angling in close to the head of a long bunch. Let's call this person The Tuffy Nuffy. Newsflash, hotshot: everyone is getting on the same plane. These people also unbuckle their seatbelt and leap to their feet the instant the plane stops at the gate, grabbing their bag from the overhead and standing around looking frustrated. Another newsflash, hotshot: everyone is getting off the same plane. Sure, you can get out before the skybridge is in place, but watch the first step. I wouldn't want you to do that, then you wont make me laugh next time I fly.

Most of them are probably smokers, keen to get outside and shorten their lives ASAP. Let's call this person The Puffy Nuffy. Many of them divert past the baggage collection to grab their first rapid half-cigarette, before returning inside to get their bags.

Once you get to the baggage collection, you always find some nuffy who stands right at the little door the conveyor emerges from, so they can have bag in hand and be off within seconds. Let's call this person The Stuffy Nuffy. These people do not want to stand around for even the extra thirty seconds their baggage might take to get to the far end. They do not want to imagine the technology within. They do not want to admire the conservative architecture of the airport. The Stuffy Nuffy wants to get out, get home, and complain about the quality of cheap flight they just left. Or get back out for a smoke.

You also see The Tuffy Nuffy waiting for the transfer bus, hanging back at the head of a line of fifty people. The bus pulls up and the Tuffy Nuffy makes a direct line for the door, ahead of 46 other patient, non-self-absorbed people. I'd rather wait for the next bus, knowing the Tuffy Nuffy on board will have to battle through the crowded bus, angering those non-nuffy's as they try to extract their one carry-on sized case from the bottom of a pile of enormously heavy family holiday suitcases. Incidentally, you rarely see The Tuffy Nuffy at the taxi queue, as these are now supervised, which voids their game plan quick-smart.

I'm sure there's more, but Huffy, Tuffy, Puffy and Stuffy were in abundance on the weekend.

I guess much of this is due to the fact that a lot of air travel is now seen as commuting, or short haul flying for quick trips. Its not a romantic ideal any more. Which is a shame.

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